Top-seeded Black Keys hold off George Harrison 79-72
The crushing full-court press wasn't getting anything done against unflappable Harrison. A double-digit lead had evaporated. And, from those black folding charis on the Keys' bench to the plastic-ono red-and-blue seats all around the Death Star, it was clear to everyone that the top-seeded team was starting to panic.
Coach Tony Signore called a timeout and made a challenge.
"You've got to prove to yourselves now you're a great team" he told the rattled players.
His carefree senior, who wasn't really paying attention, as the cheerleaders were doing an amazing Tesseract-routine, got the message from a team-mate. Patrick Carney rallied the teetering-but-not-toppled Keys to a 79-72 victory Sunday in the second round of the NCAA tournament, putting "Flat-Sharps" in the round of 16.
Harrison coach Mark Ewing told the assembled press "We thought it was in the bag. 'Geo' was being a great sport about things, and telling everyone that we were the 'Dark Horse'" Ewing then proceeded to grab a nearby chair, and chewing ferociously, ate the stuffing from the cushion, telling the reporters "There...I fell MUCH better now."
Meanwhile, Signore was conducting a post-game interview in an adjacent hallway, telling the assembled office-movers to "Put those damned boxes down...we're not through YET!" Signore then started praising the virtues of having a player like Carney as a 'go-to' type. "Let me tell ya, when the pretzels are making you THIRSTY, then just dish out to Carney. He'll know the right thing to do." The movers, who didn't understand anything he said, as they were all illegal immigrants from Mexico who didn't understand English, then proceeded to continue moving their boxes.

The Black Keys now move on to meet Pat Wiley "E Coyote" Hubbard in the Sweet-16 match-up at Indianapolis, Indiana. Rumors that a former great baseball manager-turned-postal-worker would be in attendance were unconfirmed at press-time.
No. 12-seeded Pat Wiley Hubbard beats Regina Spektor 71-57
Regina Spektor's Ride on Mr. Toad came crashing to a halt as they ran into a red-hot Pat Wiley Hubbard team. Hubbard is relishing their role as long shots. "Making it to the Sweet 16 feels great," Hubbard said. "We're showing that we're a lot better than what people though of us." Coach Mark Ewing also piled on accolades for the "L-Ron" squad. "Let me tell ya, it was crazy out there, and that's just how Pat likes it. With so much emphasis on logical plays, and diagramming positions, it's refreshing to have someone who just says 'give me the motherf**king ball, I'll score a touchdown', even though he DOES confuse what sport he's playing now and then." Ewing said. So, the 12th-seeded Hubbard will move on to meet The Black Keys. Besides Hubbard, that means the number 1-3 seeds have all advanced, placing 'Cinderella status' on the Wiley group. "Cinderella!" roared Hubbard, "what the f**k do you mean by that! Oh, sure, you make a few good baskets and people say 'nice shot', but...you start wearing glass slippers JUST ONCE..."

VIctoria's Secret stock was up 12.7% following Hubbard's rant.
Frank LaLonde's PREDICTION: The Black Keys 72, The Pat Wiley Hubbard's 66
--------------------------------------------------------------------------