Wizard Lalondes Makes Comments

comments:
Frank 'Wizard' LaLonde said...
With The Floaters as a virtual lock as one of the 'play-in' squads, it looks like this is going to be, to coin a phrase, "a helluva ride". Without resorting to hyperbole, this year's selections look to be a million times better than any previous. The Led Zeppelin (2002 champions), due to their superior sounds and a diet of extremely good vegetables, should be something to watch. Mark Ewing (a member of the selection committee, so there can be absolutely no charges of conspiracy) claimed LD by a surprisingly large margin. "Let me tell ya, they know what it's like to play on the big stage. They've been here before. 'Zep' doesn't just re-build, they re-arm." exclaimed Ewing as he vigorously waved a french fry at Paula Abdul, who had questioned Mark's sanity.Nick Lowe, on the other hand, was proclaimed the "Jesus of Cool" by Tony 'Disc Man' Signore. "Truly, Nick doesn't want to become one of those thinning-haired, jowly old geezers who still does the same shtick he did when when he was young, slim and, dare I say it, beautiful." Signore explained to an empty room, since he'd forgotten to move his clock ahead one hour.The Black Keys, frequently compared to The White Stripes, could be facing an uphill battle, depending on the bracket they're placed in. Awarded to Signore based on his acumen, Ewing mocked the selection: "I'd like to see how they pair up against some real competition, like ... oh ... DEVO!" screamed Ewing. As Signore pointed out that the teams have tangled during the regular season, with mixed results, Ewing continued his tirade. "Oh sure... that's just what I'd expect you to do, drag out facts! Well, let me tell ya, when the facts don't support the conclusion, those damned facts need to be changed!" Following this, Ewing whipped out and started swinging a ski-pole at Signore, in a scene reminiscent of "The Cable Guy" Medieval Banquet. When Signore asked where he got the ski-pole, Ewing responded "None of your damned business!"Neko Case, a known Canadian collaborator, could shake things up a bit. Case, brought to the podium by Tony Signore, told the attentive janitors "I never want to play an arena, and I never want to be on the Star Wars Video Music Awards, much less make a video with me in it. I would like to reach a larger audience and see the state of music change in favor of musicians and music fans in my lifetime." After some polite applause, Hugh Hefner of Playboy fame came from backstage to yet again request that she pose for his magazine, however, Case maintained her integrity by asking for "tons more cash for THAT!".Rilo Kiley, another Signore coup, is anxious to play in the tournament. "We're use to being on television," stated Jenny Lewis, star center. Signore, asked how he came to select them replied: "I wrote it down on a blotter, an office desk when I woke up, and, I don't know, I came back to it when I was trying to think of a team and I thought I'd that for one game then change it, 'cause who'd want that name? Who can remember that anyway?"As for the rest of the teams, as 'selection sunday' draws to a close, there are many candidates. Among the 'chosen ones' are The Beatles (who are slowly finding it harder and harder to field a full roster), Devo (who've shown there independence by playing many exhibitions in the Akron area) and Pink Floyd (who still recall echoes from the past). Other returnees include last year's champion, Regina Spektor (described by Ewing as "the straw that stirs the drink"), Ziggy Marley (who some say should be swapped with The Floaters in the rankings), Johnny Cash (derided by Ewing, who stated to the sounds of crickets that Cash needs to see that there's a new sheriff in town) and apparently Britney Spears (who was carefully escorted out of her vehicle by Signore following Ms. Spears' "parking fender-bender").A few of the older veteran surprises include the likes of Ray Wiley Hubbard, Men Without Hats (who proudly stated they would perform without a safety net), Foreigner (who are in discussions with the State Department about a dispute as to their nationality), Mott the Hoople (Hunter wrote, "Why are we doing it? I can't speak for the others, but I'm doing it just to see what it's like. Short of war, death, famine etc. ...it's ON.") and The Zombies (who just seem to keep rising from the grave every year).