Neko Case Wins 2009 Star Wars!!!!!!

It's ova. Neko Case has won the Star Wars 2009 Tournament! They beat the stuffing out of She & Him in a game that wasn't really all that close. Tony Signore is the winning coach and Mark Ewing must buy him the album of his choice from Neko Case.

Signore was ecstatic as he pulled up to the podium in a motorized bar stool. "methinks this bar stool just rocks, guys", clucked a jubilant Signore. "I'd like to thank Neko Case for, Wait, is there a reverse? I'd like to, hey, something is wrong with the differential on this thing...ok, I'd like to thank Neko Case for a game well played..." Tony Signore pulled a semi-shocker, by naming Zooey Dechanel as the MVP, even though she was held to 14 points and 2 rebounds. Zooey was last seen, running up the bleachers in a vain attempt to remove herself from Signore, still in his motorized bar stool...and he was drinking heavily..."

"This is not good for anybody", said an un-named Star Wars Official.

Signore did present all winning member of Neko Case with some beautiful Batman necklaces. "You see? You see? This is an appropriate venue to wear the Batman Necklaces, so put them on everyone, put them on..."said Signore.

01- Neko Case Vs 02- She & Him in Finals!!

02- She & Him upsets 01- Leonard Cohen

01-Neko Case puts away 03-Dandy Warhols

Tony Signore clinches 2009 Star Wars by getting 2 groups in Finals for Showdown on Monday.

Leonard Cohen reflects on loss: "Oh the hell with yuz. Tony Signore was right. I was the Old Man...I kept dragging the fish, and the sharks kept a ripping. I am just a really tired old (expletive). ....I don't even know what I'm doing in the Star Wars. Harold called me out too, I do only have one good album, I've been mailing it in for years....I don't even know how to play the guitar. I really liked playing against Zooey, I couldn't even run, there was so much junk going on in my pants. One time our lips were so close. I fouled her a few times just so I could feel that body....but anyway, I pounded Johnny Cash. Then I pounded the (expletive) Vampire Weekend. I took out Dire Straits. I took out the Beau Brummels. I was (expletive) good. But I'm done here. Screw Star Wars, I'm not coming back you bastards....."

Signore the Wizard speaks....

how is every one? i am fine....here are my picks ...this weekend will prove to be very big for female players and very, very bad for old men and dandy fellows....1st game...cohen vs she and himcoach ewing will not be able to concentrate on his game strategy....he will constantly call timeouts and.... incredibly he will bring zooey small cups of water to drink....asking her if she is 'okay' and 'is there anything i can do for you?' it will be very pathetic to watch...i suggest you tivo this game and watch the highlights only....zooey will crush old man cohen like the sharks ripped into the flesh of the big marlin that the old man tried to drag back to the docks in "the old man and the sea" ...picture cohen as spencer tracy and zooey as the sharks...OVA! if the old man tries the same zone defense the the black keys tried...zooey will use the high post to set up her back door game....easy here mark...get your mind out of the gutter...i can explain 'back door' the next time you drag me to some god-forsaken bar where a crazy guy in an orange cap is the most exciting person in the joint...the old man may give she and him a game...but in the end...she and him will advance...she 85 cohen 782nd game...dandy worhols vs neko casein the words of neko...Oh my sparrow it's too lateYour body limp beneath my feetYour dusty eyes cold as clayYou didn't hear my warningnot sure what that mumbo jumbo means but really... nobody understands anything she ever says...but really doesnt matter...neko too powerful and the dandies are just happy to be as far away from new jersey as possible...everyone knows the dandies are playing above themselves and it will finally catch up with them....this game will be a laffer from the start....like the late...great frank sinatra once said.."I'll take two broads!" you got it blue eyes...take both broads and buy sammy davis jr a drink after the whole affair is done.... neko 85 dandies 56ok..thats all i got...i'm saying this with peace and love..peace and love...stop sending me stuff to sign..i WILL NOT sign any letters....OR objects...NOTHING...the wizard

Frank Lalonde: "This is MY Town!!"

Yeah, got nothing else, I just wanted to see the headline.

Built Like a 16-Year Old is on the air

Transcripts from Tony Signore's weekly radio program on WFRT:

ok...here we go....the black keys...after dismantling the hubbard....poor hubbard....the keys seemed poised for greatness...but not fast my friends...

She & Him are scrappy...and they are gaining support from unlikely sources..."yeah...i like this team....i can't stop watching them....almost an obsession...i wouldn't mind if they met up with cohen in the finals and take the old man out...." m. ewing

she and him 76 bk 74 - last second shot by zooey wins it...
................................................................................


rilo kiley is a very strong team...fast athletic....all the tools....but they can not do the smurf....so neko case will put an end to their run....strong rebounding and unstoppable at the low post...(editors note - coach m. ewing was a little confused on exactly what...or where the low post is....no wonder his teams look confused on the court...l. cohen was heard to remark after his last game .... "yeah..he told me to post up and then drew out a play with me on the elbow...what the hell?")

neko 82 kiley 73i feel pretty good......pretty pretty good about these picks....now i am going to watch 'elf'..and 'the happening' back to back...again good luck to my teams....

Final Four To Be Determined Today!

01-Leonard Cohen beats 03-The Beau Brummels

03-Dandy Warhols upsets 01-Ween!!

..........................................

Today: 01- Black Keys Vs 02-She & Him (Go Zooey!)

01-Neko Case Vs 02- Rilo Kiley

Commissioner Mark Ewing predicts: Neko Case over Rilo Kiley and, in an upset, ok, I was wrong on all my other upset picks, but (holding french frys) She & Him are gonna beat the Black Keys...just sit back and watch it!

Star Wars Coach Marred in Sex Scandal?

The above photo is Zooey Dechanel. Tony Signore has picked her in TWO separate groups in Star Wars. If Tony Signore is looking at it right now, he probably is having trouble breathing properly. It has come to Star Wars Officials that Coach Tony Signore has been linked to several appalling incidents over this past Star Wars season. Mark Ewing has confirmed that Tony Signore has muttered many sexual comments about Zooey Dechanel, who plays for both She & Him AND Rilo Kiley- 2 groups that Signore managed to get extremely high rankings in a very short period of time. "If something smells like fish, then you know it is probably some kind of fish", said a Star Wars official who would like to remain anonymous. Other reports, as of now-unconfirmed, state that Signore constantly hounds Dechanel for private, practice sessions. "I think he texted her 38 times last Friday night," said the official. "I have even heard he showed up at her dorm room, in his underwear, and a 6-pack of Moosehead beer, in bottles. I think she made him leave almost immediately, despite his pleas to 'forget about the damn lamp'".
Star Wars Commissioner Mark Ewing was none to happy. "We had tried to quiet down the fact that Tony was buying Red-Headed Sluts for Christine McVie last week, and now this. I will talk to him, see if I can get him into counseling or something". Phone calls to the Signore residence were not returned. Jenny Lewis, who also claims to have 'problems' with Signore in the past, stated that Signore was seen at a Grand Rapids pizza parlor arguing with a young man about how many items to get on a pizza, and in what situations one would wear a Batman necklace.
Stay tuned for more Star Wars stuff. Usually we like to report just on the games, but sometimes when lunatics get involved, we have to get out the truth.

To the right...are some videos of She & Him, the first video was obviously directed by Signore, who has Dechanel jumping up and down constantly, laying down on the floor, with her buttocks up in the air, wearing little mini-skirts, etc, etc....I have watched it three times now and I am just appalled.

Signore Defies Discuss, Gets his mouth open:

the black keys will place old man hubbard in a tight strangle hold...he will make gurgling sounds that will remind people of the sounds old willie made when jenney lewis put him out of his misery....arrrgghhh...urrgggrhh...ggurrgglllee..sppfttmmttff....wheres my golf cart? why is that graveyard digger asking me for an autograph?..argghh..mmffpptt

...blacks 76 old man h 63....

i love the tengo...but she and him (the nicest name in the tourney) will take them out...she has too many weapons...tengo is young and this will be their downfall....she 72 tengo 61 the most interesting game will be neko vs lewis...which hard rocking chick has the tools to advance? neko is unrelenting on the boards....and this will take down lewis....but you cant keep lewis down...look for lewis to rebound later... ganging up with her fellas (rilo kiley) and taking out the blind boys..almost seems unfair to pick on the boys...hard to imagine how four blind basketball players have gotten this far in the MSW....neko 58 lewis 52.

...later....r kiley 81 and blind boys 78

..as usual...good luck to all of the teams coached by me...and i hope all teams coached by the evil..jerry tarkanien like m. ewing

....thanks mom and i hope we passed the audition

....hhmmppftt....gurrgllleee....spewwhew..."hubbard"

Ewing predicts Ray Wiley Hubbard over The Black Keys!!

Yeah, I was wrong on that other one, but listen up bitches, and listen well: HUBBARD!!!!

Ewing Predicts Dire Straits to Beat Down Leonard Cohen

Yep, we do. I think the Dire Straits is gonna be some hot basketball playing stuff. Knopfer hasn't even started yet.

Dire Straits holds off Warren Zevon 76-74

Dire Straits was teetering. Desperate Zevon was roaring back. The Zevon crowd was screaming. And the stifling intensity that makes the MSW tournament so popular blanketed the court.

Amid all that, John Illsley stood tallest.

As if on a pogo stick, Johnson blocked not one but two attempts by Zevon to tie the game with a minute remaining. He also scored 22 points as the fifth-seeded Straits held off a frantic charge to beat the fourth-seeded Zevon's 76-74 Saturday to advance to the regional semifinals.

"We finally got over the hump!" Alan Clark said in the hallway of the arena minutes after his clinching free throws with 5.5 seconds remaining for the Dire Straits (27-9). The Straits led the entire game but nearly blew a 14-point lead to the frenzied Warren Zevon's.

Now comes top-seeded Leonard Cohen.

"A lot of people talk about offensive possessions and making shots. It always comes down to making stops," Dire's coach Mark Ewing said of the 6-foot-10 Illsley denying Billy Bob Thornton's dash to the basket and then Linda Ronstadt's short jumper in the lane with 57.8 seconds left.

All the Zevon's had reddened eyes as they struggled to comprehend that their desperation push fell just short. Of course, some point out the special 'tonic' which Ewing forced them to drink prior to the game as the cause of the reddening.

Dire's taller guards were all over the Zevon's defensively outside for most of the game.

And Dire's motion offense from outside the foul line, something Warren hadn't seen this season, continually produced open shots for Johnson and everyone else.

Winning coach Ewing praised the play of both teams. "I've got to hand it to Warren Zevon, they hung tough. And, their coaching was the best I've ever run up against."

Losing coach Ewing had nothing but accolades for the victors. "Let me tell ya, those Dire Straits really stuck it to us. And, those brilliant plays their coach came up with just put the icing on the cake. I can only hope to rise to that level someday.

Leonard Cohen now prepares to meet The Dire Straits in Regional action. Frank LaLonde's PREDICTION: Leonard Cohen 88, The Dire Straits 61

Leonard Cohen's beat Vampire Weekend's 92-66

Leonard Cohen returned to his regular seat on the bench and led the Cabaret's to a berth in the round of 16.

Sharon Robinson scored 27 points, Jeff Buckley had 23 and "LC" dominated the Vamps from the opening tip in a 92-66 victory on Saturday, putting the Cohen's in the round of 16, under their Hall of Fame coach Tony Signore.

"Are we special yet?" Cohen said. "A couple of wins from now, we're going to have an idea. We might even make the 'special' olympics."

After getting treatment for dehydration and missing "LC"'s first-round game, Cohen came back and never had to worry. The "LC"'s scored the first 10 points and kept pulling away for their second straight MSW blowout.

Simon Sweetman had 12 points for the top-seeded Cohen's (29-4), who will play the Dire Straits in the West Region semifinals in Mos Eisley Spaceport.

"We think that we're going to be there every year and we aspire to do that," Calhoun said.

Ezra Koenig and Chris Baio led overmatched Vampire Weekend with 12 points. The ninth-seeded "Vamps" (24-10) were knocked out by the top seed in the second round.

"I'm not sure we played a team that good since I've been at "Weekend," Coach Mark Ewing said. "I definitely think they have a chance to be a national champion. Despite having a coach who can't tell a day-walker from a pure-blood."

"Guys came out with a few butterflies," Ewing said. "Big game, big stage. We shot fast, didn't execute."

Signore had a different take on the matter. "We stuck it to them...put a fork in them during the opening few minutes, then drove a stake through their heart. That put the final nail in the coffin," Signore told the assembled parking valets. Then, hoisting a french fry aloft, Signore proclaimed "Leonard Cohen will 'stay the course' past the Dire Straits. We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them off the beaches, we will fight them, well, you get the idea." The Valets all did their best to pretend they'd been listening, though it did cost them a few tips from angry patrons wanting to leave as quickly as possible.

Ray Wiley Hubbard Wins 2009 Stormtrooper Award!

Hubbard!!

McNew's triple-double sends Yo La Tengo over Dan Johnston 60-43

Playing in the newly-constructed Death Star II, James McNew was pumped up.

Patrolling the post for Tengo with those long arms, the 6-foot-11 sophomore forced the Dan Johnston's into a whole bunch of bad shots and sent them down for a rough landing.

McNew put up a triple-double with 13 points, 20 rebounds and a career-high 10 blocked shots to lead the Tengo's past 11th-seeded "DJ" 60-43 in the second round Sunday.

"I've been blocking shots since I was a little kid," said McNew, who grew up just a few miles away in the suburb of Mos Isley. "I was 6 foot in fifth grade. I had a little height advantage, or what have you. That's the one thing I try to do if guys get beat. I just try to go up there and block 'em."

Through out the game, amidst chants of "I've Got It!", coach Tony Signore could be seen gesticulating wildly, which prompted a citation for public indecency. Following the victory, where fans had left the arena with a full 2 minutes remaining, Signore gave the obligatory "They were a tough team, but we were tougher" speech. Said Signore: "They were a tough team, but we were tougher" as the concession clean-up crew paused momentarily, thinking the planned food-fight between the pizza vendors and the beer-men was finally over. "Let me tell ya," yelled Signore, waving a french fry like a light-sabre, "we sliced and diced them. Kinda like the job Jenny Lewis did on ol' Willie Nelson. Of course, 'DJ' was their (Dan Johnston) go-to man, but once he got tied up in translation, transition, tranposition...whatever...THAT's when the tide of the game turned...that's when it came down to all the marbles...that's when...aww, screw it." Signore then threw down the fry, drawing several stone-faced glances from the in-attentive clean-up crews.

Yo La Tengo will now face She & Him in their Sweet 16 match-up.

She & Him outlasts Led Zeppelin 74-69

Thanks to an unexpected scoring binge from senior Mike Coykendall, who has yet to step on to college basketball's biggest stage, She & Him continue their quest for the MSW Trophy. "There's no question that of all the players on our team, Mike wants to keep playing probably more than anybody,'' coach Signore said. He entered the game averaging 4.9 points and was shut out against Coldplay in the first round. So even his coach couldn't believe it when he went 8-for-13 on Sunday. "I was shocked that he did make some of those shots. ... There are certain times when guys just step up and do heroic things," Signore said.

On the other side, John Bonham (Zeppelin) worried that the lack of depth - three Zeps played all 40 minutes and Page played 36 against Nick Lowe - would hinder them against She & Him, which goes 10 deep. Page fouled out with 5:38 to play, but these kids showed plenty of "LZ" cool even without their leader on the floor. "We didn't put our heads down. We kept fighting," guard John Paul Jone said. "And, you know, these guys had a tremendous effort."
Coach Ewing had an entirely different view of the situation: "They blew it, plain and simple. There was obvious communication breakdown. The Black Dog defense was pitiful! Let me tell ya, there's gonna be hell to pay, yes-sir-eee-bob, hell!" Ewing then kicked at a stray french fry which had somehow grazed his cheek during his post-game raging.

Frank LaLonde's PREDICTION: She & Him 221 - Yo La Tengo 2...BUT, Zooey Deschanel WILL be held to less than 100 points.

Top-seeded Black Keys hold off George Harrison 79-72
The crushing full-court press wasn't getting anything done against unflappable Harrison. A double-digit lead had evaporated. And, from those black folding charis on the Keys' bench to the plastic-ono red-and-blue seats all around the Death Star, it was clear to everyone that the top-seeded team was starting to panic.
Coach Tony Signore called a timeout and made a challenge.
"You've got to prove to yourselves now you're a great team" he told the rattled players.
His carefree senior, who wasn't really paying attention, as the cheerleaders were doing an amazing Tesseract-routine, got the message from a team-mate. Patrick Carney rallied the teetering-but-not-toppled Keys to a 79-72 victory Sunday in the second round of the NCAA tournament, putting "Flat-Sharps" in the round of 16.
Harrison coach Mark Ewing told the assembled press "We thought it was in the bag. 'Geo' was being a great sport about things, and telling everyone that we were the 'Dark Horse'" Ewing then proceeded to grab a nearby chair, and chewing ferociously, ate the stuffing from the cushion, telling the reporters "There...I fell MUCH better now."
Meanwhile, Signore was conducting a post-game interview in an adjacent hallway, telling the assembled office-movers to "Put those damned boxes down...we're not through YET!" Signore then started praising the virtues of having a player like Carney as a 'go-to' type. "Let me tell ya, when the pretzels are making you THIRSTY, then just dish out to Carney. He'll know the right thing to do." The movers, who didn't understand anything he said, as they were all illegal immigrants from Mexico who didn't understand English, then proceeded to continue moving their boxes.

The Black Keys now move on to meet Pat Wiley "E Coyote" Hubbard in the Sweet-16 match-up at Indianapolis, Indiana. Rumors that a former great baseball manager-turned-postal-worker would be in attendance were unconfirmed at press-time.
No. 12-seeded Pat Wiley Hubbard beats Regina Spektor 71-57
Regina Spektor's Ride on Mr. Toad came crashing to a halt as they ran into a red-hot Pat Wiley Hubbard team. Hubbard is relishing their role as long shots. "Making it to the Sweet 16 feels great," Hubbard said. "We're showing that we're a lot better than what people though of us." Coach Mark Ewing also piled on accolades for the "L-Ron" squad. "Let me tell ya, it was crazy out there, and that's just how Pat likes it. With so much emphasis on logical plays, and diagramming positions, it's refreshing to have someone who just says 'give me the motherf**king ball, I'll score a touchdown', even though he DOES confuse what sport he's playing now and then." Ewing said. So, the 12th-seeded Hubbard will move on to meet The Black Keys. Besides Hubbard, that means the number 1-3 seeds have all advanced, placing 'Cinderella status' on the Wiley group. "Cinderella!" roared Hubbard, "what the f**k do you mean by that! Oh, sure, you make a few good baskets and people say 'nice shot', but...you start wearing glass slippers JUST ONCE..."

VIctoria's Secret stock was up 12.7% following Hubbard's rant.
Frank LaLonde's PREDICTION: The Black Keys 72, The Pat Wiley Hubbard's 66
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Sweet 16 Has Arrived

Tony Signore announces the Sweet 16 are built more like 17- year olds and he says that is a good thing. Our boys are currently trying to translate the rest of his gibberish. But anyway, what do we got?

Midwest: 01-Black Keys Vs 12-Ray Wiley Hubbard

03-Yo La Tengo Vs 02- She & Him

West: 01- Leonard Cohen Vs 05-Dire Straits


03- The Beau Brummels Vs 02-The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

East: 01- Ween Vs 04-The Sweet


03- The Dandy Warhols Vs 04- The Ravonettes

South: 01- Neko Case Vs 04- Jenny Lewis


03-The Blind Boys of Alabama Vs 02- Rilo Kiley
..................................................................................................................................................................
Mark has 9 teams left, Tony has 7, mainly due to 04-The Clash being ousted by Regina Spektor, who in turn lost out to the up and coming Ray Wiley Hubbard. Hubbard!

How Did Yo la Tengo get their name?

The band's name comes from a baseball anecdote. During the 1962 season, New York Mets center fielder Richie Ashburn and Venezuelan shortstop Elio Chacón found themselves colliding in the outfield. When Ashburn went for a catch, he would scream, "I got it! I got it!" only to run into the 160-pound Chacón, who spoke only Spanish. Ashburn learned to yell, "¡Yo la tengo! ¡Yo la tengo!" which is "I have it" in Spanish. In a later game, Ashburn happily saw Chacón backing off. He relaxed, positioned himself to catch the ball, and was instead run over by 200-pound (90.7 kilograms) left fielder Frank Thomas, who understood no Spanish and had missed a team meeting that proposed using the words "¡Yo la tengo! as a way to avoid outfield collisions.[1] After getting up, Thomas asked Ashburn, "What the heck is a Yellow Tango?".[2]

Whew!! Jenny Lewis 83, Ole Willie Nelson 81

"We took a knife...a hot knife....and rammed it into old willie....yeah we put that old man out of his misery. He came out in the stupid cowboy boots..and kept slipping on the court. What a fool. I can't believe he stayed in the game as long as he did." Jenny Lewis, talking to Coach Tony Signore.

The media seems to think Signore is going to try coming on to Lewis, later.....

"Why did I wear cowboy boots....urrgghhh" Willie Nelson's last words

Vader: "The Rebels are alerted to our presence. Admiral Ozzel came out of lightspeed too close to the system."
Veers: "He – he felt surprise was wiser—"
Vader: "He is as clumsy as he is stupid."
— Darth Vader and General Maximilian Veers, approaching Hoth[src

Karen O, who starts ahead of Nick Zinner, seemed bent on proving The Yeahs deserved their high seeding. The junior drilled three 3-pointers in a row as The "Wise" turned a 36-24 lead into a commanding 47-26 bulge. Everything The Gov't Mule tried in the second half failed against The Yeahs, which looked much quicker and more energetic. "Unbelievable," Warren Haynes said, "we were playing great defense all year, and today our defense wasn't there." Haynes had taken some heat from coach Signore following a proclamation that "The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are just asses. Half-asses. We'll show THEM who's a complete ass." Later, Haynes told the reporters "They proved me wrong. That's what the sport is about,'' he said. Meanwhile, coach Signore could only sputter, while plastering the two reporters covering his press conference with pretzel bits. "Lef mi tell yaf," said Signore "Thee Gov'menf mool isf'nt to bflame...it's thee damfed syftem."

The Straits were teetering. Desperate Zevon was roaring back. The "Money for Everything" close-to-home crowd was screaming. And the stifling intensity that makes the MSW tournament so popular blanketed the court. "We finally got over the hump!" Danny Knopfler (who's brother had been knocked out by The Bruce Springsteen E-Street's) told Dick Vitale following the game. "It's funny: There's really only one happy team at the end of the NCAA tournament." coach Ewing was heard to say in the background. Meanwhile, Coach Signore was finally found in the fetal position in his "fortress of alone-i-tude", mumbling "The last 10 minutes of the game, they flat took us,...these PRETZELS are making me thirsty." The Straits are now preparing to meet The Cohens, who beat Vampire Weekend earlier. "Let me tell ya," proclaimed Ewing to a capacity crown, "our transition game was ON! We had penetration, and we just flat-out took them out of the game early."

Leonard Cohen scored 27 points, as they defeated The Vampire Weekend 92-66, putting The Marchers in the round of 16 for Hall of Fame coach Ewing. "Are we special yet?" said Cohen. "A couple of wins from now, we're going to have an idea." Weekend coach Signore, speaking at The Philadelphia Home for the Deaf, told an in-attentive press-corp: "Guys came out with a few butterflies, Big game, big stage. We shot fast, didn't execute." As the press tried to figure out what Signore had said, since he was facing the wrong way, and they could not read his lips, the coach suddenly stripped down to his underware and for some reason started singing "Give it away" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Ewing Toasts Win, Signore Wins Toast

As the final seconds of the game between The Dandy Warhols and The Rodriquez ticked down, Commissioner-Coach Mark Ewing started raising his glass to toast the Warhols, as well as giving kudos to The Rodriguez for at least showing up, and for rotating his tires as previously requested.

"Let me tell ya," Ewing told a capacity crowd "this year we're going to the f**kin' Super Bowl!" Upon being reminded that this was a basketball tournament, Ewing recanted, and requested that his statement be stricken from the record. "Objection!" cried Ewing. "Overruled." stated Dick Enberg. "Exception." Ewing said modestly. "Noted." added Enberg.

Meanwhile, Coach Tony Signore, who had been watching the game alone in his office, the "fortress of alone-i-tude" as he affectionately refers to it, started praising both teams. "I've gotta hand it to Ewing," Signore told the Death Star janitorial staff, "he knows how to pick winners. BUT...too bad he picks the wrong teams!"

On being questioned whether he was through eating a corned-beef with cabbage sandwich, Signore exploded. "Does it LOOK like I'm through? Huh? Does it...punk! Let me tell ya, it ain't over until that extremely large opera singer is finished with the aria! Oh, sure, Ewing can claim that his dominance of The Naboo is of his own doing. But I still say, if it wasn't for that damned assistant of his, Jar-Jar, Jub-Jub, Jib-Jab or whatever; Ewing wouldn't have an arm to stand on. 'cause, when the going gets tough...the tough, well, start to move along like normal. Dammit, where's my CARROTS!"

As a cleaning lady emptied Signore's waste-basket, she was heard to mutter to the janitors "he's been under a little stress lately, what with the bomb and all. You know...the bomb...the Hydrogen bomb." Dick Enberg, who'd been looking for the restroom and accidentally entered Signore's office promptly asked the cleaning lady if she's be willing to do an interview, since Signore couldn't be found as he'd departed to the local Quik-E-Mart to buy some grape kool-ade.

Warhols win running away, Rodriguez joins The Foreigner on sidelinesAs predicted, this game turned into a shoot-out. However, it was all Warhol, all the time, as The Dandy's poured it on, hitting the tin for xx points as Rodriguez struggled to save face. Rodriguez started out by getting into foul trouble early in the 1st half, then fell apart during the second session, as Warhol just kept gambling with their outside shots, and tenacious defense, which helped them in the take-away department, capitalizing on poor passing, missed shots, and just plain sloppy dribbling.

PREDICTION: The Dandy Warhols' 93, The Rodriguez 82

ACTUAL: The Dandy Warhols' 89, The Rodriguez 69

Night of Debauchery Could Shed Light Upon Selection Process???

In a shocking development, rumors of impropriety have been given new life as a member of The Floaters (losers of the Play-In game) observed Coaches Mark Ewing and Tony Signore in a drinking establishment lending credence to a passerby (sorta looked like Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac) who (female in nature) glanced down at the various sheets and tables they had displayed in front of them, pulled out a pen (from some unknown and as yet un-revealed location) and wrote down the name "Juice Newton".

Ewing was overheard saying something to the effect that "We'll HAVE to ensure she (Juice) gets selected for next year's tourney. Give me some more pretzels, will ya, Tony?" Signore, upon observing they were the only ones in the establishment at the time, started hurling peanut shells at Ewing; all the time wagging his finger at him and proclaiming "There Pretzels ARE making me thirsty!"

Ewing tried to defuse the situation by ignoring Signore, which only seemed to invigorate him. Thrusting an empty glass into the air as if it were a sword, Signore proclaimed "WOLVERINES!", then quickly started gathering up as many peanut packets and potato chip bags as he could carry, and built a make-shift bunker next to the juke box.

As Ewing's stormtroopers arrived to "maintain the peace" (as Ewing words it), Ewing, thinking a little music could soothe the situation, inserted a dollar bill into the juke box, which randomly started playing "Jukebox Hero" Upon hearing the opening chords, Signore lept from his hiding spot, and in an imitation of a Edvard Much painting, started screaming.

Eventually the Stormtroopers were able to "establish order", by guaranteeing Signore that "the ambassador had been found." Signore, unaware of what that meant, lowered his guard, and one of the troopers were able to use a blackjack to full-effect.

Music Star Wars 2009 stock was up 3.9% as word of the incident reached the NASDAQ floor.

Star Wars 2009 Plagued by Horse-Assing Around

Vocal MSW critic Frank LaLonde and Commissioner Mark Ewing fight in parking lot. Coach Tony Signore commentates on action over dead microphone.Frank LaLonde, new beat reporter for the Music Star Wars scene, this morning was seen accosting Commissioner Mark Ewing in the parking lot outside the Death Star as several Stormtrooper guards stood idly by, talking about the weather, the exchange rate on Naboo, and other hot topics of the day.Apparently, the dispute arose from Ewing's announcement that he was considering 'barring' teams from the Star Wars field for one year if they lose in the 1st round in two consecutive seasons. "Where's that going to leave Ziggy Marley?" shouted LaLonde to Ewing, who was just exiting his X-Wing 2011 Nexus. Ewing smuggly replied: "In the unemployment line." as he proceeded towards the Commissioner's entrance. LaLonde then ran to block Ewing's path, poking feverously into the sky while screaming "The Zigg will LIVE. What the f**k do you think he is? A figment of your imagination? A big of undigested potato!" LaLonde then scaled the access ladder leading to the top of the Death Star, and started shouting "Top of the World, Padmé! Top of the World!" Ewing then ordered his stormtrooper guards to "Get that nut off of there! He'll see EVERYTHING. He'll see the big board!"Whilst all this was going on, coach Tony Signore, who first noticed LaLonde blocking Ewing's dramatic entrance, ran to a nearby empty news-van, and proceeded to describe what was happening to an in-attentive audience (as Signore had neglected to flip the power switch to the 'On' position). "Let me tell ya," Signore reported "this is something The Blind Boys of Alabama should see. I haven't seen such a scene since Jay and Silent Bob tried to steal a monkey."Eventually, order was restored, as special guests Stevie Wonder and Ronnie Milsap were able to talk LaLonde down. "It's as plain as the nose on my face," said Wonder, "the two-strikes and you're out format could bring anarchy, anarchy here, anarchy there...hell, anarchy in the U.K. even!" Meanwhile, Milsap observed how the entire proceedings "were almost like a song."

Signore on WFRT

Tony Signore, on his weekly radio show at WFRT:

(ed note: Mark had to get in and capitalize all the Names, I may have missed some, I guess Tony doesn't have a Capital key on his friggin' keyboard)

"the Black Keys feeling confident about their upcoming game - The following comments were made at WFRT, where Tony does his weekly show, called "Built like a 16-Year old", although the broadcast equipment was turned off, and no one heard it....but we did get the transcript:

after eliminating Men Without Hats - as usual, the room was almost completely empty. Signore shouting for no apparent reason: "hell yes the Keys are playing well. W/o hats looked like a special olympics team out there. Who's next? 9 seed harrison? Yeah, george. We're looking through you, where did you go? Ok, somebody get me some carrots.

"Yo la Tengo unsure of D. Johnston - (AP) It seems that the 3 seed Tengo are unsure of their game-plan against the highly combustable d. johnston. Preparing for the game, members of the team have been listening to crude recordings of Johnston's post-game speeches. "Cassette tapes, with drawings on the front. Like a second grader produced them," a Tengo spokesman said. To complicate things, Johnston's antics on the court will probably keep tengo off-guard. Known for their up-tempo style, Johnston will give tengo fits when he sometimes comes out in a 1-3-1 half-court press, then will play man-to-man defense. Again, the tengo spokeman had this to say. "We have game film on Johnston. It's crazy, man. Zones, presses, half-court traps, its like he's schizophrenic."

Shins playing for SmogGolden smog has filed an official protest after their loss to Robert Cray. "We played in a half-empty arena. None of our fans were able to support us. Look at the brackets. Where do you see us listed? Our fans had no idea where we were playing. Who's fault is this? The MSW committee, that's who. They listed us a "golden shins!" What the hell?" James Russell of the shins, said that from this point on, his team, correctly listed as "the shins" will be playing for the golden smog. "We feel bad for them. Some idiot makes a clerical error and it cost them the game. we were looking forward to paying the smog. now we will play with a black arm band on or uniforms."

Lalonde Goes South

The South (Alderaan) Bracket had a few surprises, with some old favorites showing their fans that they're not through yet.

The #1 seeded Neko Case blew The Crayolas' off the court in a 101-58 mechanical victory. They'll be taking on The Los Lonely Boys, who jumped out to an early lead, then held off The Ringo Starrs for a 75-71 win. This should be a stroll in the park for Signore's all-star(r) squad.PREDICTION: The Neko Case 97, The Los(e) Lonely Boys' 70

The Willie Nelson was smokin' (but later acquitted) in their 76-72 upset of #5 seeded The Kings Of Leon. Meanwhile, The Jenny Lewis had a 31-6 2nd half outburst that helped them cruise to a 77-64 conquest of The Duffy. As Nelson, while conducting research on seabirds, once vowed to "Leave no tern unstoned", The Lewis seem to have their mind on one thing...how to handle the Neko Case. That could work to their disadvantage, but I think looking two games ahead is actually prudent in this "case".PREDICTION: The Jenny Lewis' 78, The Willie Nelson's 70

In an anticipated matchup, The Lucinda Williams, who shot 51% in their win over A. Escovedo, are getting ready to tangle with The Blind Boys of Alabama, who jumped out to an early lead, but seemed to have trouble seeing the hoop later in their opening round victory over The Sinatra 59-44.PREDICTION: The Lucinda Williams' 69, The Blind Boys of Alabama's 50

The Bruce Springsteen led throughout their 62-59 win over The Mark Knopfler's. As Signore fumed about the "Glory Days" of Knopfler-ball, The E-Streets, led by Steve Van Zandt, held off a rally to advance to the next round. They'll be tangling with The Rilo Kiley, who put on a shooting exhibition against The Tom Jones' in an 82-54 smashing.PREDICTION: The Rilo Kiley's 85, The Bruce Springsteen's 61

Frank predicts the Yeast

The East (Naboo) Bracket also showed consistency in the seedings, with only The Shins surprising the experts with their ousting of The Foreigner, thus vindicating Signore's statement that "The only good The Foreigner, is an ousted The Foreigner."The Ween's victory over The Britney Spears' was a lot closer than the final score (72-62) showed. Meanwhile, The Robert Cray needed a 3-pointer in the closing moments to advance against The Golden Shins. The Ween needed Dean Ween to be on his game, and eventually his 27 points from the paint proved too much for The Britney "Chrome Dome" Spears'. I'm going to stick with the seedings in this game.

PREDICTION: The Ween 73, The Robert Cray 70
....................................................................................................................................
The Shins thrilled a national audience with their overtime victory over The Foreigner's. In a game that simmered with bad blood through-out, Signore's coaching seemed to help his team maintain their composure in the closing seconds. Meanwhile, The Sweet, who shot 54% from the field, easily handled The Ziggy Marley's 77-59.PREDICTION: The Sweet 69, The Shins 50

Rodriguez managed to hold off The Barenaked Ladies, despite 21 points from Jim Creeggan. They'll face the dangerous Dandy Warhols', who erased a 14 point deficit to avoid an upset by The Mott The Hoople. Somehow, I think this game will turn into a shootout.PREDICTION: The Dandy Warhols' 93, The Rodriguez 82

The Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh drilled 8 three pointers as they rolled over The Zombies 76-62. They face The Ravonettes, who were never in danger, with 6 players in double-digits will need to get another strong performance from their already-depleted bench. This game would normally seem to be a no-brainer with The Devo winning in other years, but with The Devo's recent decline, The Ravonettes should be able to bump off the Ohio braintrust.

PREDICTION: The Ravonettes 80, The Devo 71

Frank predicts the West

The West (Ewok) Bracket, on the other hand, remained incredibly stable, with only one low-ranked team, The Gov't Mule, advancing to the second round.

The #1 seeded Leonard Cohen's will see how they compare to The Vampire Weekend. Cohen's offense sent The Johnny Cash home early with a 103-47 pounding, despite coach Tony Signore missing the game due to "Illness", which was immediately announced as "Not at all anything to do with his visit with Michael Phelps." Meanwhile, The Weekend made their first 10 shots against the smaller Beatles team. Still, The Cohen's seemed primed to advance to the sweet-16.PREDICTION: The Leonard Cohen's 83, The Vampire Weekend 76

The Dire Straits will have to play a more solid game against The Warren Zevon's. The Straits, who saw a 14 point lead over The Flaming Lips shrink to just 3 at one point, are facing a feisty Zevon team. Also, with The Zevon's ability to draw fouls took The Green Day out of their game, The Straits could be in for a rocky ride.PREDICTION: The Warren Zevon's 75, The Dire Straits 60The Van Morrison were able to hit some critical free throws down the stretch to stave off The Elvis Costello's in a 58-57 gut-wrencher. Meanwhile, The Beau Brummels need a repeat performance of their fast 2nd-half start against The Lou Reed's. One has to favor The Morrison for their defense, but it's hard to win if you can't score.PREDICTION: The Beau Brummels 88, The Van Morrison 66

The Gov't Mule, seeded #10 in the bracket, is ready to take on The Yeah Yeah Yeah's in what some are calling the "Yada Yoda" game. The Mule was successfuly in stymieing (SPELLING???) the outside shooting of The Pretenders, while The Yeah Yeah Yeah's relied on their 3-point scoring to drive to a victory over John Fogerty. Signore, asked for a prediction, sank his head and said "The Mule ain't givin' up the acreage yet. They're ready for the...well...yada yada yada." in a speech reminiscent of the late Ronald Reagan introducing a Borax ad on "Death Valley Days".PREDICTION: The Gov't Mule 72, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs' 67

Frank Predicts the Midwest....

Lord Darth makes enigmatic French Fry prediction: "Let me tell ya, these pretzels are making me thirsty!"The Midwest (Tatooine) Bracket is already muddled, as several first round upsets make for an interesting 2nd-round.

First up, The Black Keys will face George "I will survive" Harrison. Harrison, who sank a 3-pointer in the closing moments of a double-overtime win over The Lyle Lovett's told the press corps: "As soon as I threw it up, I knew the game was in the bag." But the Black Keys are not taking The Harrison's lightly. "G. H. is from no Bush League" Dan "Red" Auerbach told bunch of bush-league reporters. "They play solid ball. We just have to be at the top of our game."PREDICTION: The Black Keys 72, The George Harrison's 60

In an amazing match-up of the #12 seed (Roy Wiley Hubbard....Hubbard) and #13 seed Regina Spektor, the sentimental favorite has to be The Spektor's. The Spektor's who ran out to a 17 point lead over The Clash, then were able to settle down and play "Commie Ball", are prepping for the upcoming battle. Spektor herself said "Hubbard can't carry my jock-strap", which seemed to stun the "BIKE" employees who were present at the interview. Clearly, the battle lines are being drawn, and with so much at stake, this could be one of the most exciting games on the program.PREDICTION: The Regina Spektor's 78, The Ray Wiley Hubbard's 76

Dan Johnston, who jumped out to an early lead over Jack Johnson, and never looked back, is taking on the Yo La Tengo. Yo La Tengo SHOULD be able to oust the pretender to the throne, but my instinct tells me that the road is not going to be easy. In fact...I can actually see The "DJ"s beating The Tengo in a defensive struggle.PREDICTION: The Dan Johnston's 66, The Yo La Tengo 63

The Led Zeppelin are preparing to take on #2 seeded She & Him. The Zeps were incredibly accurate from the floor, but needs to hold off She & Him's powerful offense, which allowed them to go on a 21-0 run at one point during their 77-62 victory over Coldplay.PREDICTION: The She & Him's 79, The Led Zeppelin 68

Friday Night Updates

Scores of note from 20Mar09 Games:

1-Ween escapes with win over vivacious 16-Britney Spears, 72-62. Ween should be totally embarrased by almost losing. The Big Jilms need to play much harder than this lackluster performance.

NO! 12-Shins over 5-Foreigner ???? No one thought the Shins would win this game, but they did. The Blue Mondays came out shooting 'cold as ice'. "We were willing to sacrafice ouf love, we never took advice, and someday we will pay the price, I know", clucked Lou Gramm, as the boys quickly packed up and left. Tony Signore was elated. "Yeah, get them the hell outa here, let's go Shins!", said the coach. The Shins have to take on 4-The Sweet next.

4-Sweet over Ziggy Marley.....this is the 2nd straight year Ziggy gets booted out in the first round. There has been discussions that groups that bow out in the first round for 2 straight years could be banned for one year.....what do you think?

12-Willie Nelson over 5-Kings of Leon: Ole Willie is a crusty veteran, the Kings of Leon are the hot group today, but they were caught in the headlights. Can Willie take it further and knock off 4-Jenny Lewis?

As Frank predicted, the George Harrison/Lyle Lovett game was a good one, BUT it was George Harrison that pulled it out, 74-72! Harrison is the lone Beatle to advance, in what turned out to be a terrible showing for the boys from Liverpool. Beatles, Ringo and Paul McCartney are all done. Watch Harrison get blown out by the Black Keys.

Other news: 11-Dan Johnston beat 6-Jack Johnson, the Fighting Retards came in hot and never let up.

Did you see the 10-Led Zeppelin score a convincing 72-55 drubbing of 7-Nick Lowe?

Tony was expecting a showdown today between The Clash and Paul McCartney...instead he will be watching 12-Ray Wiley Hubbard playing 13-Regina Spector!! Hubbard! I predict the winner here will win the 2009 Stormtrooper Award....

Sadly, I do have to give credit to 10-Government Mule knocking out the 7-The Pretenders.

Let the Saturday games begin!!

Omissions From Star Wars? Riots at the Death Star.

Omissions From Music Star Wars Tourney: LaLonde Laments, Signore Smirks, Ewing Exacerbates.The team selections have again raised doubts about the process. And while MSW's commissioner, Mark Ewing, defends the rating system, and Coach Tony Signore remains mute on the subject, Commentator Frank LaLonde was livid following the announced pairings."What the heck's going on. Are they throwing darts at a pickle barrel or something?" raved LaLonde in a seemingly drug- and pizza- induced trance. "I mean...Paul McCartney gets a free ride...A damned free ride...In a rented Limo, for chrissake! Where does that leave Wild Cherry, Aha, and Samantha Sang? That's a F**kin' rhetorical question, you idiots!" LaLonde told reporters from a nearby grade-school journalism class. "Where's the justice...where's the damned league...where's America!...Well, Ewing can do what he wants to me. But...I'm not going to stand around and listen to him...bad-mouth the United States Of America! Gentlemen!" said LaLonde, as he closed the press-conference, leading a cadre of 8th graders from the press-center.

Upstart Vampire Weekends sends Beatles home

Vampire Weekend managed to stave off the attack from the "Fab Four plus One", 79-66. Rostam Batmanglij netted 21 points as the Weekend sucked the life out of The Beatles. Shooting 56.7% from the field during the first half helped The Vampire to a 42-30 lead at the break. That was a good thing, as The Beatles, behind John Lennon's 14 second-half points, played virtually even during the second session. "Let me tell ya", Tony Signore shouted to a sell-out crowd, "this year we're going to kick the sonuvabitchin' door in!"

And now the Vampire Weekend gets to walk into the Buzzsaw known as 1-seeded, Leonard Cohen.

Gov't Mule revealed The Pretenders to be just what their name says, Pounding Chrissie Hynde and her crew 84-71. The Mule Train was led by Allen Woody's 27 points, and defense that kept The Pretenders from demonstrating their 3-point finesse, 7-24 from outside the line. The Mule seemed to surprise The Pretenders scoring 12 points on fast break opportunities, while limiting Hynde to just 22 points. Gov't Mule may be hard-pressed to repeat their performance against #2 seeded Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but coach Tony Signore seems unfazed. "The Mule is ready to haul ass. We're a force, a stubborn force, and we WON'T move over for ANYONE!" screamed Signore to the 3 reporters in attendance for the post-game show. Upon being informed that he was in the wrong room, Signore proclaimed "Dammit, THIS is the ROOM! Let those other Jackasses find US!"

Foreigner Gets 5-Seed just to "Piss off Signore", says Ewing

It was back in the summer of 08, when Mark and Tony were driving along the shores of Lake Michigan, talking about the really, good, talented bands of the last 20 years. They guys mentioned Led Zeppelin, The Who, Lynyrd Skynyrd, etc. but when Foreigner was mentioned, Tony Signore went into a crazy rant saying the lyrics sucked and they shouldn't even be counted along with any other good rock band.
That is when Mark Ewing decided that The Foreigner would enter the Star Wars Tournament in 2009. The 'Blue Mondays' have been in Star Wars before, but only as a lower-ranked seeds.
"This year, The Foreigner Blue Monkeys(sic) will be a force. They are a 5- seed, and we expect them to dismantle The Shins in round one. I even can see them getting past the 4-seeded The Sweet", said Ewing.

Who can forget these timeless lyrics? You would think this was written by Lord Bryon, or Percy Shelley, but these were actually penned by the Foreigner, ye can look it up....

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Hes a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Yeah, juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
With that one guitar hell come alive
Come alive tonightYeah, hes gotta keep rockin
He just cant stop
Gotta keep on rockin
That boy has got to stay on topAnd be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Hes a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Just one guitar, put stars in his eyes
Hes just a juke box hero,
aah aah aah

Juke box hero, juke box hero, hes got stars in his eyes
Stars in his eyes

...Later, Mark Ewing was asked by Ole Willie Nelson, which album he would get if Foreigner really did win the Star Wars. Ewing covered his mouth and stared up wide-eyed at the brackets with a worried look on his face. He said nothing. They said it was a homage of George C Scott in "Dr Strangleove".

Frank was more diplomatic: "Vote Monkey, Get Monkey. Different Day, Different Dog. Same F-in Results. "

Ewing Rips Signore, Lalonde for Star Wars Foul Up

Sunday night at 6PM was a crazy night for Mark Ewing as he frantically writes down the Star Wars teams, and then figures out which team is which, a process that requires extensive concentration. The whole time Frank Lalonde kept IMing Ewing, and Tony Signore kept texting. "Making comments and asking questions is the last thing I need, I don't want to make any mistakes in the pairings," said Ewing. "Hopefully, those guys will learn to stop horse assing around."

Frank Sees solo Beatles bowing out....Black Keys Tuning Up.

Play-in Game Results: Men Without Hats 96, Floaters 21:

The Midget guy was a force, scoring 79 points getting feeds from the tall guy, who garnered a Star Wars Record 68 turnovers. Tony Signore, a Star Wars Junior Official was on hand to watch in horror. "They have to stop the Float stuff, a high school team could have beat those guys. Reminds me of the 'Center Sneak' in football. Reminds me of the old hidden ball trick, in baseball. The Floaters were caught with their pants down again."

Some good games are coming up this weekend. Frank Lalonde looks at a few of them.




To be sure, Men Without Hats use to field a strong lineup, but as defenses got better, and safety became a prime issue, their play seemed to stagnate along the way. At the core, Men Without Hats consisted of Ivan Doroschuk and his brother Stefan, with various other members, including a third brother, Colin, as well as Jeremie Arrobas, Tracy Howe, Roman Martyn, Mike Gabriel, Heidi Garcia, Jean-Marc Pisapia, Lenny Pinkas, and Allan McCarthy. Their 1991 squad, dominated by a radical offense known as the processed electric guitar, revealed a dramatically different strategy for the team due to synthpop falling out of style. That is not going to make their battle with Number 1 seed The Black Keys any easier. The Keys unique play, and use of an inspired defense ("10 am Automatic") was used in the video game MLB '06: The Show. With youth AND experience on their side, The Black Keys seem to be headed to bigger and better things. Meanwhile, MWH is probably going to be watching from the sidelines following their (inevitable?) first round ousting.

PREDICTION: The Black Keys 89, Men Without Hats 51----



Lyle Lovett, despite a regular season loss to The Dire Straits, has high hopes for moving deep into this year's tourney. As one magazine put it: "The secret of Lyle Lovett's endurance comes down to the three C's: class, charisma and consistency... In the coach's office and on court with his giant of a team, he's spent two decades gracefully matching genuine cagecraft with A-list leadership". Though normally low-key, his small-town life was brought to the public's attention on March 28, 2002 when Lovett was caught by a bull and rammed into a fence on his uncle's farm in Klein, Texas, before being pulled to safety. Lovett fully recovered after six months and began playing again in the summer of 2003. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for George Harrison. Once listed as on the the 100 best point-guards of all time, Harrison's play lately hasn't been as lively as it was during the 70s and 80s. Still, as Harrison himself might say, "All Things Must Pass." Harrison embraced Indian training and Hinduism in the 1960s, and helped expand Western awareness of defensive B-ball and of the Hare Krishna/Abdul Jabbar movement. With Ravi Shankar he organised a major charity game with the 1971 Cagers for Bangladesh, and is the only Beatle to have published an autobiography, with I Me Mine in 1980. This is a hard call, but here goes.

PREDICTION: Lyle Lovett (or leave it) 62, G Harrison 60-


----------------------------------Paul McCartney has been the standard against which many teams style themselves. Maintaining solid performance over the past few decades, When he first started out, "Sir" Paul McCartney, being left-handed, found the Zenith pick-and-roll difficult to play. He then saw a poster advertising a Slim Whitman charity game, and realised that Whitman played left-handed. That led up to his signing with The Beatles. The rag-tops, who became immediate sensations, proceeded to rattle off several championship seasons in a row, until McCartney decided to join a new start-up league, signing at then outlandish contract of $25 million spread over 25 years. While being moderately successful in the 'Wings', the play of The Beatles became spotty at best. Still, hopes of a comeback were kept by fans, until the tragic demise of John 'Magic' Lennon, who was fatally shot in 1980. From that moment, McCartney's career seemed to be coming to an end. Still, he's managed to stay in the limelight, playing occasional pick-up games here and there, including a pay-per-view game of H.O.R.S.E. against former team-mate George Harrison. McCartney's opponent, the low-ranked Ray Wiley Hubbard seems to have had a completely opposite career turn. Known for his Cosmic Cowboy offense that ushered in the mythical Outlaw era, "L-Ron" has always seemed to bring a spirited mood into his games. Trained at The Zone gymnasium in Dripping Springs, Texas, the play of his team, "The Snake Farm", lends themselves to an amalgam of adjectives---greasy, rootsy, gnarly and slightly rude. The style of play was envisioned as a semi-live garage-swamp foray, and clearly achieves Hubbard's goal of conveying a tone he defines as ‘decadent elegance.' His attitude towards this year's tourney: “I don't want to peak too soon,” he offers, laughing the laugh of one who is alternately comfortable with and grateful for his present station in life. That sort of attitude seems to demonstrate the character behind the wild and sometimes fanatical play of "L-Ron".

PREDICTION: Ray Wiley Hubbard 68, Paul McCartney 62--------------------------------------

The Play-In: 16-The Floaters Vs 16-Men Without Hats

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcOZ6xFxJqg Men Without Hats

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT_9OUvmb5I The Floaters

Two inept teams to play each other, and the unlucky winner gets to be destroyed by the Black Keys.

The Floaters beat Elton John last year, and should have no trouble with the Men that decide not to wear hats. The Hatless Men boast a tall dude, who looks like he can't shoot, a tall and thin girl, who can't ever get past their best player: The Midget Boy guy, who never stops moving, holds opponent's hands, runs under their legs, and generally runs the team..but Cmon he's a miget, and can't ever leave the girl alone...watch the video........The Floaters are black guys from Detroit....but the Floaters have got to quit trying to be so cute. The 'float pass' gets picked off everytime, and I don't think the 'floating rebound' has ever worked. They spend most of their practice time doing horoscopes, leading an un-named official to call them the dumbest band to ever play in the Star Wars Tournament.

Mark's French Fry Prediction: The Floaters 51, Men With out Hats 37. ( Midget boy will score 25 points and foul out by holding onto his female teamate.)

Schedule is Set!

Midwest: 01-Black Keys, 02-She & Him

West: 01- Leonard Cohen, 02- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

East: 01- The Ween, 02- The Ravonettes

South: 01- Neko Case, 02- Rilo Kiley
..........................................................................................
Star Wars Beat Writer Frank Lalonde will be submitting articles soon.

Final Rankings

The tickets are punched, and the selection committee has seeded the groups into place.....Tony also announced that Neko Case will be North Carolina, so as soon as the NCAA brackets are out, we will be able to match up each group with the corresponding NCAA team.


Tony's Star Wars

01- Neko Case (UNC)
02- Rilo Kiley
03- Blind Boys of Alabama
04- Jenny Lewis
05- Kings of Leon
06- Lucinda Williams
07- Mark Knopfler
08- Los Lonely Boys
09- Golden Smog
10- The Zombies
11- Bare Naked Ladies
12- The Shins
13- Ziggy Marley
14- Mott the Hoople
15- Pink Floyd
16- Britney Spears

Tony's #2

01- The Black Keyes
02- She & Him
03- Yo La Tengo
04- The Clash
05- Paul McCartney
06- Jack Johnson
07- Nick Lowe
08- Lyle Lovett
09- Vampire Weekend
10- Government Mule
11- Elvis Costello
12- Flaming Lips
13- Green Day
14- Lou Reed
15- John Fogarty
16- Johnny Cash

Mark's #1
01- Leonard Cohen
02- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
03- The Beau Brummels
04- Warren Zevon
05- The Dire Straits
06- Van Morrison
07- The Pretenders
08- The Beatles
09- George Harrison
10- Led Zeppelin
11- Dan Johnston
12- Ray Wiley Hubbard
13- Regina Spektor(2008 Champion)
14-Wall of Voodoo
15- Coldplay (Sandy's pick)
16- Men Without Hats

Mark #2

01- Ween
02- The Ravonettes
03- The Dandy Warhols (2008 runner-up)
04- The Sweet
05- The Foreigner
06- Rodriguez
07- Devo
08- Robert Cray
09- Ringo Starr
10- Bruce Springsteen
11- Alejandro Escovedo
12- Ole Willie Nelson
13- Duffy
14- Frank Sinatra
15- Tom Jones
16- The Crayolas

Wizard Lalondes Makes Comments

comments:
Frank 'Wizard' LaLonde said...
With The Floaters as a virtual lock as one of the 'play-in' squads, it looks like this is going to be, to coin a phrase, "a helluva ride". Without resorting to hyperbole, this year's selections look to be a million times better than any previous. The Led Zeppelin (2002 champions), due to their superior sounds and a diet of extremely good vegetables, should be something to watch. Mark Ewing (a member of the selection committee, so there can be absolutely no charges of conspiracy) claimed LD by a surprisingly large margin. "Let me tell ya, they know what it's like to play on the big stage. They've been here before. 'Zep' doesn't just re-build, they re-arm." exclaimed Ewing as he vigorously waved a french fry at Paula Abdul, who had questioned Mark's sanity.Nick Lowe, on the other hand, was proclaimed the "Jesus of Cool" by Tony 'Disc Man' Signore. "Truly, Nick doesn't want to become one of those thinning-haired, jowly old geezers who still does the same shtick he did when when he was young, slim and, dare I say it, beautiful." Signore explained to an empty room, since he'd forgotten to move his clock ahead one hour.The Black Keys, frequently compared to The White Stripes, could be facing an uphill battle, depending on the bracket they're placed in. Awarded to Signore based on his acumen, Ewing mocked the selection: "I'd like to see how they pair up against some real competition, like ... oh ... DEVO!" screamed Ewing. As Signore pointed out that the teams have tangled during the regular season, with mixed results, Ewing continued his tirade. "Oh sure... that's just what I'd expect you to do, drag out facts! Well, let me tell ya, when the facts don't support the conclusion, those damned facts need to be changed!" Following this, Ewing whipped out and started swinging a ski-pole at Signore, in a scene reminiscent of "The Cable Guy" Medieval Banquet. When Signore asked where he got the ski-pole, Ewing responded "None of your damned business!"Neko Case, a known Canadian collaborator, could shake things up a bit. Case, brought to the podium by Tony Signore, told the attentive janitors "I never want to play an arena, and I never want to be on the Star Wars Video Music Awards, much less make a video with me in it. I would like to reach a larger audience and see the state of music change in favor of musicians and music fans in my lifetime." After some polite applause, Hugh Hefner of Playboy fame came from backstage to yet again request that she pose for his magazine, however, Case maintained her integrity by asking for "tons more cash for THAT!".Rilo Kiley, another Signore coup, is anxious to play in the tournament. "We're use to being on television," stated Jenny Lewis, star center. Signore, asked how he came to select them replied: "I wrote it down on a blotter, an office desk when I woke up, and, I don't know, I came back to it when I was trying to think of a team and I thought I'd that for one game then change it, 'cause who'd want that name? Who can remember that anyway?"As for the rest of the teams, as 'selection sunday' draws to a close, there are many candidates. Among the 'chosen ones' are The Beatles (who are slowly finding it harder and harder to field a full roster), Devo (who've shown there independence by playing many exhibitions in the Akron area) and Pink Floyd (who still recall echoes from the past). Other returnees include last year's champion, Regina Spektor (described by Ewing as "the straw that stirs the drink"), Ziggy Marley (who some say should be swapped with The Floaters in the rankings), Johnny Cash (derided by Ewing, who stated to the sounds of crickets that Cash needs to see that there's a new sheriff in town) and apparently Britney Spears (who was carefully escorted out of her vehicle by Signore following Ms. Spears' "parking fender-bender").A few of the older veteran surprises include the likes of Ray Wiley Hubbard, Men Without Hats (who proudly stated they would perform without a safety net), Foreigner (who are in discussions with the State Department about a dispute as to their nationality), Mott the Hoople (Hunter wrote, "Why are we doing it? I can't speak for the others, but I'm doing it just to see what it's like. Short of war, death, famine etc. ...it's ON.") and The Zombies (who just seem to keep rising from the grave every year).

Locked in Teams announced

On 06Mar09, Tony and Mark met at Scores Sports Bar to determine if the same groups appeared on each other's lists. Whomever seeded the group higher up, wins the group's rights, but has to lock in the team at that ranking position.

So here are the groups that have locked in: The Led Zeppelin: Mark outranked Tony 20-31, so Mark gets them.

Tony won all the other ones: Tony got Nick Lowe, 14-17; Tony got The Black Keyes, 15-2, Tony got Neko Case 10-1, Tony got She and Him, 8-4. The excitement stepped up when both coaches had the very hot Rilo Kiley at 3-3...Tony got them on the tie-breaker advantage, since he lost last year. "I should have ranked them up at number two," lamented a visibly shaken Mark Ewing.

So...these groups are the only groups that have to be locked in at the current seedings: Led Zepp 20, Nick Lowe 14, The Black Keyes 2, Neko Case 1, and Rilo Kiley 3.

This year's groups include some Star Wars veterans (Devo, Zeppelin, Beatles, Pink Floyd), some crazy newcomers (The Crayolas, Duffy, Vampire Weekend, Golden Smog, Kings of Leon), some old surprises(Ray Wiley Hubbard, Men Without Hats, Foreigner, Mott the Hoople, The Zombies).

Returning from last year is 2008 Star Wars Champion Regina Spektor, who does not look to be as strong as last year. Ziggy Marley returns while hoping to stave off another first round elimination. Johnny Cash gets another invite from Tony after his amazing upset run from last year. "This is a very strong group of singing groups", clucked an elated Signore. "I have seen so many groups now, and I like groups that sing and this is what I do. I got the Britney Spears in, I am a rocker, you know."

One more week and the parings will come out. The non-locked in groups can be cut and replaced by any group until Saturday, 14March09.

Floaters to play traditional play-in game, for 20th consecutive year!

OK, people, you keep asking who are the Floaters? They are the only team to appear in EVERY Star Wars tournament to date. Back in the day when Star Wars was a Ping Pong grid, the Floaters were unique with the "float serve" that was easily hittable. The Floaters have been the whipping post of Star Wars ever since, but it is always fun to watch them play. Tradition now holds that they are the play-in game each and every year..... click on the link below and observe, the one and only: The Floaters....and my name is Mark.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT_9OUvmb5I

Road to the Vader Trophy Already in Progress

Hello and welcome to the Star Wars 2009 Tournament. The fans are still talking about last year's Star Wars when all 4 Number One seeds made the finals. Regina Specktor, discovered by Mark Ewing off of Tony's Signore's "Beware of White Cars 2" album just goes to show you that an obscure singer off an obscure CD from a floundering company (Dog sh*t Records) can make it all the way.